Have you ever played the game called The Human Knot?
In this game, a group of people stand in a circle and then reach out with their hands to hold two random people's hands. You can hold anyone's hand except for the person standing directly beside you. The result often looks like a jumbled mess of entangled people. It can be immensely chaotic with uncomfortable positions, confusion and even frustration building within this mess. The goal of this game is to untangle everyone and return to the full circle.
There's just one major caveat: you can't let go of random hands holding onto you.
Your life is a human knot.
Imagine your world as a human knot, and you and your chosen friends are the players. You're all trying your best to navigate challenges that sometimes might seem out of control, and further trying to make sense out of the endless confusion of unexplainable life circumstances – all without letting go.
The purpose is stability – or simplifying the knot so it doesn't make life harder than it needs to be. Not everyone, no matter how kind their demeanour may be, actually helps untangle the mess.
Individuals might start pulling or even wrestling with the tangles without a clear plan, which can sometimes complicate the game further. Others – no matter how cheerful they are with a loud and enthusiastic "hooray" – don't even try to help. If you have friends who can strategize intentionally, critically think, actively communicate and work together using grit and self-reflection – and even make it fun while doing so – you're going to appreciate this game.
You deserve people around you who make it worthwhile to play this fun game.
Choose your players wisely.
People often get asked, "What's your type?" when choosing potential partners. One approach is to have a checklist where potential partners can qualify to meet your needs. When was the last time you created and revised your checklist for the teammates who are going to be your friends?
Play with intent.
It matters who you choose to play the game with because it can help or worsen the situation. So, just ask yourself: who do you want to give your time to…and why?
Everyone who's actively part of your daily experience has value that adds meaning to your life. Some friends are good at enhancing your motivations for meeting mutual goals, others add humour and emotion and some even spark more energy in you, but quite often you will also run into the distracting and draining folks.
What value are your friends bringing to your life? Are they helping you meet stability or creating more tangles?
I value learning and growth a lot, not just in my psychology degree but outside of that, too. I always want to improve my knowledge of psychology, building relationships in life, improving badminton skills, writing poems and even building things with my hands. Creativity and intellectual stimulation keep me engaged in the things I do.
My current close friends and the people I make time for can help me reflect on and learn what's close to my heart, creating spaces for mutual sharing and reflection -- all over a bite of tacos.
I've heard this a lot, and it can't be more true: you are an amalgamation of the friends you surround yourself with.
My friends make it easier to solve problems and achieve goals -- and make frustrations bearable with humour and creativity.
Imagine…
…your tangled limbs start to hurt in the most chaotic Human Knot. Someone says, "I have an idea, let's win together." They offer potential solutions for untangling.
They accept and respect your boundaries to act within your comfort level. They show improvements with actions, and actively formulate a mutual plan that challenges you to laugh and learn along the way.
You decide what friendships you want around you.
So ask yourself: Are you enjoying the game with your current chosen teammates, and is it getting any better?
