In a quiet suburb south of Brisbane, Pam Kirkland reflects on the final chapter of her husband Ken's life: not with sorrow, but with deep gratitude.
Ken, who lived with Parkinson's disease, spent his last months surrounded by love and dignity in the comfort of his own home thanks to the unwavering support of Carinity Home Care.
Pam and Ken grew up in the Tweed area of northern New South Wales, meeting through the local field hockey community. They married in 1972 and settled in Murwillumbah, where they raised their three boys and shared their 13 acres of green pastures with a herd of cattle.
While both came from farming families, Ken worked as a joiner and Pam shared her time between home duties, raising their boys, and running a small sports trophy business. With their sons living across the world, and Ken taking early retirement, the couple made the decision to leave the Tweed and downsize to a beautiful home in Munruben in 2007.
"Being on the one acre here in Munruben gave us the perfect balance between the space of the farm but not quite suburbia. We had greater access to facilities and services, less home maintenance, and were close to my sister, Jan," shared Pam.
"The drive back to the Tweed wasn't too far so we remained connected with that community. And we had the space for Ken to have his shed - his refuge - full of wood and tools, where he would tinker and work on neighbourhood projects."
It was during a holiday in 2011 that Pam first noticed a tremor in Ken's hand. After a long journey of exploration, Ken was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease later that year.
"Ken had this wonderful outlook on his diagnosis - he never looked too far ahead. We knew what a likely outcome was, but he didn't let his illness and its challenges define who he was.
We didn't spend time and energy on the 'what ifs' and 'maybe this might happens'. Instead, we focussed on each day, and what we could achieve. Ken's strength was his ability to get on with it," said Pam.
There became a time, though, when Ken's ability to do the things he'd always done became a challenge.
"There came a point when he didn't want to go to the shops because he was finding it harder to walk around. It was at this time I knew we would need some additional support," Pam recalls.
"After registering with My Aged Care, Ken had his aged care assessment. We were initially approved for eight weeks of short-term restorative care where Ken accessed physiotherapy and was provided a falls monitor.
"While we were waiting for the funding that would allow access to ongoing care and support for Ken through a government-subsidised home care package, my neighbour, Sue, told me about an information session being run at the Park Ridge Baptist Church by Nihara Dove, Carinity's Home Care Coordinator for the region.
"We met Nihara, and that is the day Carinity entered our lives: not just as a care provider, but as a lifeline through one of my most challenging times."
Initially, Carinity Home Care supported Ken with in-home respite and personal care.
"While Ken wore a falls monitor, I always needed to have an eye on him. Having the Carinity carers with Ken gave me peace of mind knowing I could be out the front of the house in the garden while Ken was tinkering in his shed, with his carer by his side," Pam said.
As Ken's condition worsened, his ability to eat and walk deteriorated, and he spent many months in Canossa Private Hospital. The prospect of moving him into an aged care home loomed heavily, however Pam was determined to honour Ken's wish to return home.
Nihara attended a family meeting with the clinical staff at Canossa, discussing Ken's care needs. When questioned whether Ken could be cared for at home, Nihara stood beside Pam advocating fiercely, demonstrating how Carinity's team of nurses and carers could meet Ken's complex needs at home - where he desperately wanted to be.
"The staff at Canossa had never seen a coordinator like Nihara. She went into bat for us. She showed them that there was another option to care for Ken. And to see Ken look so well once back at home confirmed that," Pam said.
According to Nihara, Ken's positive outlook and determination empowered the Carinity team to do all they could to support the Kirklands and enable Ken to return home.
"The support Carinity were able to provide was key, but we wouldn't have been able to support Ken the way we needed to if it wasn't for Pam, her determination and commitment, and her support network," Nihara said.
"Ken required around-the-clock care. We had confidence knowing that, should something happen to Pam when Carinity wasn't with them, there was always someone in Pam's network who was there as back-up. It was incredible to see everyone rising up."
With Ken and Pam's closest son living 400km away, it was never expected their children could be home to help regularly, however their presence and support was felt every day.
Just like their dad's outlook, their daily calls and messages did not focus on his health challenges – instead they were normal chats about the day that included sharing stories, photos and videos.
Their connection was never ending, bringing joy to Ken and Pam every day. On the ground, Pam's sister Jan was the heart of her support network.
"I knew I could call Jan at any hour of the day, and I knew she would be anywhere we needed her to be - without question. When I was sick, Jan was there; when I needed another pair of hands in the night, Jan was there," Pam said.
While the Carinity Home Care team provided expert care for Ken, they always had an eye on Pam.
"Every staff member at Carinity Home Care - office staff, carers and nurses - was brilliant. They cared. And they didn't just care for Ken, they cared about me too. Carinity took care of everything, allowing my time to be solely for Ken," Pam added.
This holistic approach gave Pam the confidence to care for her husband, and the strength to face his passing with peace.
"Having Ken at home meant I could manage his passing better. It was such a privilege to care for him as we both wished. He left on his own terms, in his own home," Pam shared.
Pam speaks of Nihara and the Carinity team not as service providers, but as companions in her journey. Their presence turned a daunting experience into one filled with grace and humanity.
"They were an amazing support during this time, they have truly been my lifeline. I am thankful for finding such caring people. I couldn't have done it without them."
Community connection
Pam's community, and their support, has been a constant in the 18 months since Ken passed.
She remains a part of the Carinity family, receiving fortnightly cleaning through the Australian Government's Commonwealth Home Support Programme.
With limited mobility at times due to debilitating knee pain, she enjoys the convenience the professional cleaning service provides.
"Nihara also connected me to Kerry Anderson, the Community Chaplain managing the 'Neighbour in Need' program. There was a section of garden behind Ken's shed that had grown out of control and well beyond what I could manage. While out of sight, it wasn't out of mind.
Kerry organised for a team of volunteers with the tools and skill to clear out and tidy up the garden. It was such a great feeling knowing this had been tackled and not be on my mind any longer.
"And my sister and neighbours continue to be amazing friends and my support network. We're always looking out for each other. While they were there in the hard days with Ken, they're also there for a cuppa, to take delivery of a parcel if I'm out, even joining me at aqua aerobics," shared Pam.
Pam's continued connection with her friends and family, with the support of Carinity Home Care, ensures she maintains her independence in the home and community she so loves and values.
