It's common for adolescents to feel nervous or shy around others. But how their parents treat them may help ease or worsen their social anxiety, according to a new study from the University of Georgia.
The researchers found that both mothers and fathers influence their children's social confidence in important but different ways.
Either parent can help reduce social anxiety by expressing affection, warmth and acceptance toward their teen, the researchers found. But they can also make it worse by shaming, guilt-tripping and overly controlling their kids.
"Moms and dads are both making fairly equitable contributions to social anxiety symptoms," said Cullin Howard, lead author of the study and a doctoral candidate in UGA's College of Family and Consumer Sciences. "They're both contributing uniquely. Moms matter, and so do dads."
Social anxiety tends to peak in adolescence, ranging from occasional shyness to full-blown anxiety disorders. But even mild social anxiety can negatively impact adolescents' well-being and development, the researchers said.
More support from parents linked to fewer anxiety symptoms
The researchers conducted a meta-analysis of studies including both mothers and fathers.
More warmth and affection from both mothers and fathers were linked to fewer social anxiety symptoms. However, rejection and coldness were tied to higher levels of social anxiety.
"We're finding these effects across cultures and age groups," Howard said. "Giving more acceptance can be a way for parents to meaningfully help and support their children."
A controlling mom may have a stronger impact than a strict dad
While it's common for parents to set limits, tactics like guilt-tripping, holding their children to unrealistic expectations and overprotecting them can be damaging, the researchers said.
The study found children with overly controlling parents were more likely to exhibit social anxiety symptoms. And controlling mothers appeared to have a larger effect than overbearing fathers.
It's important for parents to consider what levels of control are necessary … and at what point it's becoming excessive and making some of their behaviors worse."
-Cullin Howard, College of Family and Consumer Sciences
The reason why isn't clear.
"Moms generally take on a disproportionate share of child care in the home - that's even when they work," Howard said. "It might just be that, in moms taking on a larger proportion of child care activities, their controlling behaviors end up being a little more salient."
But that doesn't mean that dads don't matter. A supportive, encouraging dad who spends quality time with his kids is likely to have a stronger impact on his children's well-being.
Striking a balance between freedom and control in parenting
Though these findings may make it seem like placing restrictions on adolescents is always bad, there's still a time and place for them. Being too easy-going and not offering guidance can leave teens open to unnecessary risks or unsure of how to deal with challenges.
Parents should balance setting age-appropriate limits for their children with giving them the space to make their own choices, the researchers said.
"There's an appropriate level of control that supports the child's autonomy while giving them boundaries, guidelines and an appropriate structure to exist in," Howard said. "But overcontrolling behaviors inhibit the child's ability to learn to regulate themselves, to learn to take on challenges and to learn the cognitive skills that they need to be able to handle these social environments without lots of anxiety.
"It's important for parents to consider what levels of control are necessary for the child and at what point it's becoming excessive and making some of their behaviors worse."
The study was published in Adolescent Research Review and co-authored by Assaf Oshri, Noel Card, Morgan Muñoz, Clare Thomas and Geoffrey Brown.
