Bringing home a puppy is often pictured as a joyful milestone, full of cuddles, playful moments and the excitement of welcoming a new family member. In reality, the early weeks of adopting a new furry friend can bring exhaustion, uncertainty and feelings of doubt.
Accredited canine behaviourist, expert force-free trainer and bestselling author Sarah Rutten says many new dog guardians experience what is known as "puppy remorse", a feeling far more common than people realise.
"Puppy remorse isn't a sign you chose the wrong dog. It's usually a sign that real life has just collided with unrealistic expectations," Sarah says.
According to Sarah, the transition to life with a puppy is a major adjustment. Routines change overnight, sleep is interrupted, and young dogs need almost constant supervision.
"It's very normal for people to have moments where they think they've made a mistake," she says. "That doesn't mean they don't love their dog. It simply means they are adjusting to a very real change in their day to day life."
Sarah explains that the biggest contributor to puppy remorse is the gap between expectation and reality.
"Puppies are often imagined as small, well behaved companions," she says. "The truth is that puppies are babies. They chew, they toilet in the wrong place, they wake up during the night and they can have bursts of energy that feel chaotic."
She adds that social media often presents a polished version of puppy life that leaves many new dog guardians feeling unprepared.
"We see photos of calm puppies sitting beautifully or looking cute," she says. "What we don't see are the shredded tissues, the midnight toilet trips or the enthusiastic play biting. Those moments are a completely normal part of raising a young dog."
Conflicting advice can also increase anxiety for new dog guardians.
"People often come to me saying they've read ten different things and every source says something different," Sarah says. "When someone is new to raising a puppy, that kind of contradiction can quickly make them feel like they're doing everything wrong."
In Sarah's experience, many people struggling with puppy remorse don't need more streams of advice. They need clear guidance on where to start.
"When people understand what is developmentally normal for puppies and what to focus on first, everything begins to feel much more manageable," she says.
Practical Steps for Managing Puppy Remorse
Sarah says there are several simple steps that can help new guardians feel more confident in the early weeks:
Prioritise sleep for your puppy Young puppies need far more sleep than people realise. When puppies are overtired they often become bitey, restless or unable to settle. Ensuring puppies have regular quiet rest periods can make behaviour far easier to manage.
Set realistic expectations Toilet accidents, chewing and night waking are normal parts of development. Understanding that these behaviours are temporary helps reduce frustration and anxiety in new dog guardians.
Focus on a simple training plan Rather than trying to follow multiple pieces of advice, Sarah recommends focusing on a few key foundations such as toilet training, calm settling and positive social experiences.
Manage the environment Using puppy pens, baby gates or safe chew options can prevent many common problems while a puppy is still learning.
Seek clear guidance early Working with a qualified trainer or behaviour professional can provide structure and reassurance during the early stages.
Sarah also encourages new guardians to remember that the most intense stage of puppyhood does not last forever.
"The early weeks can feel all consuming, but puppies grow and change quickly," she says. "With the right support and structure, many of the behaviours that feel overwhelming at the beginning start improving within weeks."
Sarah emphasises that at the centre of the process is not perfection, but connection.
"Raising a puppy is not about creating a flawless dog," she says. "It's about building a relationship. That relationship often starts with sleepless nights, chewed shoes and a lot of learning on both sides."
"And for many people, it becomes one of the most rewarding relationships of their lives."
Sarah is currently working on her next book, which continues the conversation from her first, The Canine Perspective: Using Force-Free Methods to Unleash Your Dog's Paw-tential. The upcoming release will further explore dog behaviour and how meeting their physical, emotional and behavioural needs can lead to calmer, more harmonious lives together.
"For now, the title will have to remain under wraps," Sarah says. "But it continues the conversation from my first book, helping guardians better understand their dogs and build relationships that work for both human and dog. I'm very excited about what's coming next."
