Picture this: you've stuffed yourself with holiday lunch. There's a mess of crackers and crumbs on the table, and the uncle you see once a year has turned to you and asked what you think of these rubbish nature laws everyone keeps talking about.
You're sleepy, full of ham and at a crossroads. Do you say exactly what you think? Do you brush it off?
Difficult conversations are just that: difficult. Here's how to turn an awkward moment into an actual conversation.
1. Prioritise building trust
If someone feels they are in a hostile environment, they are more likely to become defensive, taking the conversation to an unconstructive place (yelling at each other over the cherries). Building trust and productive conversations can take longer than a dinner table chat, but here are some handy tricks to kick-start the connection:
- Ask open ended questions. Instead of "Do you think climate change is real?" try "What's your take on all these wildfires/floods/extreme weather events we keep hearing about?"
- ..and ask more questions than you think! Get curious about their perspective and really listen before jumping to yours.
- Repeat back what they have said to you to ensure you understand their perspective. "So what I'm hearing is you're worried about jobs in regional areas - is that right?" This shows you're actually listening.
- Give them the space to talk. Even if you believe they are wrong, it's important to give the other person the space to talk about where they are coming from.
Remember: people are multi-faceted and believe they're doing the right thing. Trust that, even if there's no way you would ever agree with them. We all believe we're acting in the best interests of ourselves and the people we care about.
2. Find what we can all agree on
Finding common ground can be a game changer - it's a calming, neutral territory we all feel safe in to have a conversation. When you deliberately seek out topics you can agree on, it softens the tone and allows the other person to see your perspective without feeling attacked. They're also more likely to feel comfortable enough to change their mind.
Listen for their values, not just their arguments. When your third-removed cousin asks if you're still following "that leftie rubbish," they're not actually telling you what they care about. Dig deeper with questions like:
- What things do you think acting to protect nature will affect?
- What matters most to you about this?
- What would you want to see instead?
You might find they care about farmers, regional jobs, their grandkids' future, or government overreach. Once you know what they actually value, you can find genuine overlap.
Connect to values they already have
- If they care about the economy: "I totally get that jobs matter. What surprised me was learning that our ecosystems contribute $900 billion to the economy. It's not environment versus economy - they're connected."
- If they care about Australian identity: "87% of our mammals exist nowhere else on Earth. These animals are uniquely ours - losing them means losing something that makes us Australian."
- If they care about fairness: "We've inherited this incredible country - shouldn't we leave it in decent shape for the next generation? That's just stewardship we all share."
