Following the tragic July 4 floods in Texas, children might feel their grief set in as they return to school. Some will notice missing classmates, while others might fear going back to the classroom without their friends. A Baylor College of Medicine child and adolescent psychiatrist helps parents lend a hand to their grieving child.
Children will display grief differently based on developmental factors. Kids ages 5 and under do not have a strong sense of time, permanence or death, so they will likely get back to their normal routines more quickly than older children. Elementary school-aged children who experienced loss from the flood will exhibit physical symptoms: stomachache, headache, not wanting to participate in activities they normally enjoy, and they may feel nervous or worry for their safety. They might stick to their parents out of fear something bad will happen. Adolescents demonstrate abstract thinking. They might seem sad/down more consistently if they lost someone they knew well and need to adjust to the loss.
"You know your own child, and if something doesn't seem the same with your child, that's a good marker for a parent to wonder what's going on and check in. Ask open-ended questions," said Dr. Laurel Williams, professor in the Menninger Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Baylor.
Grief comes and goes, with some days feeling better than others. Parents should let their children grieve and talk about the person they're missing to allow them to express their feelings.
"Be clear that grief is normal. Grief isn't something we pathologize and say, 'You have to go see a mental health specialist if you're grieving,'" Williams said. "We want to be careful to not push grief aside because someone is crying or seems distressed."
If a child already suffers from mental health issues, this event could ramp it up, causing more worry and anxiety. If that child already is in treatment, parents should share with the therapist so they can be on the lookout and support them. Williams emphasizes that therapists do not necessarily need to change the course of treatment for that child but allow for grief.
"Trauma and grief are not the same thing. We don't recommend starting to work on trauma the first six to eight weeks after an event because there is a process unfolding. Treatment for trauma too early can be counterproductive," she said.
Children might worry about the same thing happening to them. Parents are responsible for assuring their child that they are safe. Keeping the same routine is crucial for this. Avoid drastically altering the routine because of a tragedy; this reinforces the fact that the event was scary enough to no longer do certain things you might enjoy.
"Remembrance is an important part of grief," Williams said. "Do things that are purposeful that helps honor the memory of the person and keeps them close to you. Do things that would help you activate your happy memories of the person versus just the memories of their death."
Grief does not always signify the need to turn to a mental health professional. Williams recommends turning to the community in times of grief. A child could endure grief for weeks or months, but that does not indicate a disorder. Support groups can benefit children because they are surrounded by people who went through something tragic or experienced loss as well, and these groups can help them feel less alone. Williams especially recommends programs and support groups for children grieving the loss of a sibling. If a child is so consumed with grief that they cannot finish tasks, concentrate or sleep, talk to their pediatrician, who might recommend psychosocial intervention.
"People have an enormous capacity to be helpful if you let them. Parents who feel overwhelmed: let your community help you. Community can give so much, and you can give back as well," Williams said.
