The start of the semester involves meeting many new people in the classroom, residence halls and around campus. These new experiences come with a challenge: How do you remember all those new names?
We talk to William FitzGerald, an associate professor of English at Rutgers University-Camden who specializes in rhetoric - the art of using language to persuade, influence or inform - for some tips and tricks.
Why do we have such a hard time remembering names?
Many of us have a hard time remembering names because, to begin with, we are not necessarily good listeners; or we are focusing on other aspects of a conversation: what someone is saying, what we will say in return. Mostly, however, I think it's because we think we will remember, so we don't make the effort to do so.
Memory is a capacity we all share as humans. Its workings are elusive, as we know from our capacity to forget. We want to remember useful things and retrieve them when necessary. In my own academic field of rhetoric, memory was one of the major "canons," or divisions, of a classical education, since orators did not rely on a written text to deliver a speech. They learned to recall vast amounts of information and to stay on track as they spoke. I am continually amazed by people who can do that today, even when we have technology deliver a scripted speech.
What are some tricks people can use to remember the names of people they have just met?
I have noticed that some people make it a habit to repeat a person's name back to them (or to others nearby) as a "trick" to commit a name to memory. "Pleased to meet you, Marsha!" I think others, whether formally or informally, use mnemonics, or memory aids, to help cement that knowledge for later recall, like later in the social event. Some people, I have heard, attach other words to a name based on an arbitrary scheme (animals) or attributions of the person, for example, Amanda-Armadillo, Brad-brown eyes-anything that helps tag information for later recall.
Some people say they are just "bad at remembering names." Are there reasons some people are better at remembering names than others?
I suspect that people who are good at remembering names have a system of some kind, even if they aren't fully aware of it. Those of us who are bad at remembering names can work on it. I have heard that, in addition to facial features, some people create a word out of a person's name, like "tie" for Tyler, especially if Tyler is wearing a tie. I would guess that confidence is social situations has something to do with remembering names. If we are anxious or shy by nature, perhaps we don't put our memory skills to work. I know that when I tell myself, "I'm going to forget this person's name," I usually do.
Does forgetting names happen just to older people? Or is it universal?
I think this is both universal and something that occurs more frequently as we age. As I get older (almost 64), I am forgetting lots of things that I never used to, especially the names of people when I try to retrieve them out of context. Very soon after, I will remember the name. This happens when I meet a person on my campus, say, that I haven't seen in some time. I know their name, but my recall is lagging. Seconds (or minutes) later, I will recall it with no trouble at all. This forgetting happens with students after a course is over.
If all else fails and you are standing across from someone you've met several times and still can't remember their name, what is the best etiquette in that situation? Should you just apologize and ask?
I'm sure we need to be more forgiving of other people's forgetting (as well as of our own.) Difficulty or delay in retrieving someone's name is not a sign of disrespect. I'm grateful for people who smooth over possible discomfort by reminding acquaintances of their name. I'm grateful for name tags at many social or professional events. On the other side of the exchange, I think we have to be gracious in acknowledging our forgetfulness without being too apologetic. We can say, "I know we've met/spoken before, but could you please remind me of your name." Then say it right back and apply a mnemonic device.
