Wars, serious illness, wildfires, job termination: Negative events like these can result in the loss of someone or something important to us.
"No matter who you are, or where you live, there is a heaviness to these periods," says Erin Engle, PsyD, clinical director of Columbia University Psychiatry Specialty Services at Columbia's Neurological Institute. "At times of conflict, natural disaster, or other major events, a stress response can occur even if there isn't a direct impact."
Grief, an emotional response to loss, can overwhelm the body and mind with sorrow, shock, and disbelief. Whether from losing a home, loved one, or safety, it can leave us yearning for answers and a way to heal.
Dr. Engle explains how grief can impact the body and ways to cope with this challenging emotion.
What is the difference between loss and grief?
Loss is the act or process of losing someone or something. It could be caused by anything from the death of a loved one to being laid off from a job. We don't have to go through loss directly to appreciate it. Most of us can even empathize with faraway losses, like natural disasters, because we have our own attachments to home or loved ones.
The emotional response to loss is the feeling of grief. The pain of grief can come in waves of sorrow and sadness, which can be overwhelming. People can react to the same loss with different feelings of grief.
How does grief impact your brain and body?
Grief impacts the body and mind in many ways that affect your feelings and behaviors.
Grief activates several brain regions, including the amygdala, which manages emotions like fear, sadness, and anxiety. It also affects the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula (involved in emotion regulation, emotional processing, and physical/social pain) and the nucleus accumbens (involved in reward, social attachment, yearning in the experience of enduring grief). The prefrontal cortex-which handles thought and emotion regulation-does not work as well when you're grieving.
What's more, grief impacts the chemicals in your brain. It increases the stress hormone cortisol while lowering other chemicals (such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins) that help us feel happy, connect us to others, and reduce pain.
As a result, grief brings many challenges, such as:
- Physical pain: Grief causes physical pain because the brain processes emotional and physical pain in similar ways across the same regions.
- Appetite changes: Grief affects appetite by disrupting hunger signals, raising cortisol levels, and causing emotional pain that makes eating feel unimportant or physically uncomfortable.
- Decision-making: Grief overwhelms the brain, leading to fatigue that impacts the prefrontal cortex, so thinking and making decisions are harder.
- Lowered immunity: Grief weakens the immune system by increasing stress hormones, which makes the body more vulnerable to illness and slower to heal.
What can people do to cope with loss and grief?
First, allow yourself to experience whatever emotions arise. Otherwise, avoiding or suppressing grief can result in prolonged emotional distress and difficulties processing loss; in the long run, this can impact daily functioning and social engagement. When we feel our emotions, we can experience them more fully and appreciate what we've been through, which leads to healing.
Other ways to support the natural process of grief include:
- Practice good self-care: Take care of your body by getting exercise (even just a walk around the block), trying to keep a consistent sleep schedule, and eating healthy, balanced meals.
- Respect your limits: Be sensitive to the impact that grief can have on your body. Grief can involve physical traits (such as headaches, tension, and fatigue), feelings of irritability or numbness, difficulty focusing, or a tendency to overcommit in order to stay busy.
- Anticipate triggers: Someone experiencing grief may need extra understanding or support on occasions like anniversaries, holidays, and other celebratory events.
- Stay connected with your support system: Maintain contact with friends, mental health professionals, spiritual advisors, and others who help you feel less alone.
- Keep a routine: A regular schedule can help us feel grounded.
How can a parent or caregiver help children dealing with loss?
Children will experience a variety of emotions as they navigate loss, and it's natural for caregivers and parents to want to comfort them. Dr. Engle suggests the following approaches.
- Some commonly used phrases (like "stay strong" or "you'll be ok") are intended to help, but they could limit conversation and cause confusion. Instead, provide support by being a good listener, paying attention, and reflecting on what the child is saying.
- Allow a child to speak about their experience of loss in whatever way is developmentally and age-appropriate.
- Be present and interested by checking in with gentle questions such as, "Do you understand what's happening?" or "It's been a year since we lost dad; how are you feeling?"
- Acknowledge the child's experience without judgment.
- To the extent possible, maintain a child's familiar routine to promote their sense of security.
Could we reach a pandemic-level mental health crisis due to events that cause loss and grief?
When we think about the natural adjustment and transition people go through because of what we see, hear, and experience, and the significance of tragic events that impact so many people, mental health stands to be impacted.
It's hard to be unscathed or unaffected. When the world becomes a different place, it can feel unsafe. Depending on the support we have, and the opportunity to talk about these things or even name them, there can be taxation on mental health. Therefore, talking with someone you trust, such as a mental health professional, can be an important step that supports healthy coping and grief processing.
Erin Engle, PsyD, is an associate professor of medical psychology (in Psychiatry) at Columbia and clinical director of Columbia University Psychiatry Specialty Services at the Neurological Institute.
