Traumatic events from your childhood could have a lingering impact on your adult relationships, according to new research from the University of Georgia.
Adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse, neglect, divorce or the death of parents, increase the possibility of depression and anxiety in adulthood. The present study found that those issues may negatively influence how a person behaves in romantic relationships, often leading to a less satisfactory relationship.
"Investing in a relationship with everyday actions is like putting money in a bank account," said Analisa Arroyo, lead author of the study and a professor in the UGA Franklin College of Arts and Sciences. "Those small things we do daily build trust, connection and support over time. When we haven't built up those reserves, it's like not having enough money when your car breaks down. You're stuck.
"If we're not investing in our relationship and then we face stress, conflict or other challenges, we may not have what we need to get through that moment."
Although the study suggests that childhood trauma can be burdensome through adulthood and bleed into relationships, developing or improving communication skills as a couple can mitigate some of these effects, the researchers said.
Negative childhood experiences can harm communication skills
The researchers analyzed responses from more than 200 adult couples through UGA's ELEVATE program, a no-cost relationship education program hosted by University of Georgia Cooperative Extension.
Both members of each couple were asked about negative circumstances surrounding their childhoods up until age 18 and to indicate how many traumatic experiences they went through. The researchers found that individuals who reported more adverse incidents - like a parent routinely yelling or shoving them, or repeated incidents of experiencing hunger - had greater feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety as adults.
"Childhood adversity creates a kind of wear and tear that often goes unnoticed in daily life. Over time, that chronic stress can affect not only our own well-being but the health of our relationships as well," Arroyo said.
It's not only the big … heart-to-hearts that matter. It's the really small, everyday interactions.
Analisa Arroyo, Franklin College of Arts & Sciences
Those same individuals reported difficulty engaging in things related to maintaining their relationship. They struggled in everyday communication, showing affection and managing conflict.
"When couples experience relationship problems, it's easy to focus only on what's happening in the moment, such as how they communicate, handle disagreements or interact with one another," said Evin Richardson, co-author of the study and an assistant research scientist in UGA's College of Family and Consumer Sciences. "But our research suggests that, for many people, those challenges may have deeper roots. Understanding these connections can help couples and professionals address the underlying issues, not just the symptoms, that affect relationship well-being."
With fewer healthy relationship behaviors, relationship quality could suffer as a result, the study found. Couples that couldn't communicate well or didn't feel supported reported lower relationship satisfaction overall.
"It's not only the big conversations, big conflicts or the heart-to-hearts that matter. It's the really small, everyday interactions that get us ready for those bigger and harder moments when they arise," Arroyo said. "Do we notice our partner when they walk in the door or speak? Do we respond, or are we ignoring them?"
Gender could influence how impactful feelings are on relationship quality
The study found women who reported more adverse experiences were more likely to have resulting mental health problems, which affected their relationships.
Women who had more difficulties were not only more likely to report lower relationship satisfaction, but their partner was as well.
Meanwhile, men who reported depression or anxiety linked to childhood trauma said these thoughts affected only their own view of the relationship, not their partner's.
"We can't change our childhood experiences," Arroyo said. "But we can understand how they continue to influence us. That awareness gives couples an opportunity to support one another and build healthier relationship patterns together."
We can't change our childhood experiences. But we can understand how they continue to influence us.
Analisa Arroyo
Couples can work on modeling everyday relationship behaviors through couples therapy or relationship education programs, which help improve their relationship quality overall, the researchers said.
In turn, a healthy relationship can also help each partner better cope and heal from trauma.
"Couples can absolutely strengthen their relationships by learning and practicing healthy relationship skills, especially when both partners are committed to growth," Richardson said. "At the same time, individuals who have experienced significant trauma or chronic stress may benefit from more personalized support, such as counseling or therapy, to better understand how past experiences are influencing their current relationships and how to build healthier patterns moving forward."
The study was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships and includes co-authors Ted Futris, director of UGA's Couple and Relationship Enrichment Laboratory, and alumni Rachel Brown and Abigail Gilbert.
