Sidsel Louise Schaller has over twenty years of experience as a liscenced psychologist specialized in psychotherapy and sexology . This inspired her doctoral thesis: "Sexual agency, self-understanding and sexual wellbeing in late adulthood; A qualitative study of how older Norwegian women and men construct meaning of their sexuality in an ageing body", which she recently defended at the Department of Psychology at the University of Oslo.
In exploring older adults' relationship to their own sexuality, Schaller conducted in-depth interviews with 32 people aged between 65 and 85 - heterosexual, queer, single and partnered. She also drew on several previous studies on the topic.
Older people are rarely asked about their sex lives
- Most of the participants felt it was very positive to be able to talk about what sexuality means to them and what place it has in their lives. It was a topic they were rarely asked about, neither by health personnel nor by others, says Schaller.
She stresses that both healthcare professionals and younger people tend to assume that sex is something the older generation is donewith. They cannot picture people that old actually "having sex".
- Itis not that the sex live of either older or younger people necessarily must to be laid bare in detail. But it is important to acknowledge that people in their 60s, 70s, 80s - and even 90s, for that matter - have sex, and that it means a great deal for both their mental and physical health, says Schaller.
- A functioning sexuality can help prevent both loneliness and depression
The researcher emphasizes that for many people, sexuality remains important throughout life. The fact that her oldest participant was 85 was coincidental. The sample could just as well have included even older people.
Important to be told about the side effects of medication on sex life
As both a psychologist and a researcher, Schaller is concerned that sex education is needed - both in youth and in later life.
- If doctors do not tell older patients about the side effects that certain medications can have on sexuality, they are not doing their job properly. It is important that sexual health is a topic in consultations with patients of all ages. Many still find it difficult to talk about the fact that they have sex unless they are directly asked, she says.
According to her, this is particularly true if the doctor is much younger or of a different gender. Schaller points out that her 32 participants together form a varied group.
- Some of them grew up in a time when everything to do with sexuality was taboo. They had to figure everything out by themselves, whereas the "younger participants" grew up with women's liberation and the sexual revolution and are more used to putting their desires and preferences into words. Their background and upbringing also influenced their level of knowledge and their willingness to explore their own sexuality, she explains.
Never too late to have a good sex life
We meet Sidsel Louise Schaller in an office in central Oslo, where she has her clinical practice. The newly minted PhD lights up when she talks about one of the participants in the thesis: a woman in her seventies who had hardly had sex since her fifties, but then rediscovered and explored her own sexuality, found a lover for a short period, and after a few years contentedly "put her sexuality back on the shelf".
Another participant, a widow, fell head over heels in love at the age of 80 and experienced her first orgasm late in life.
- Her male partner said he had never before experienced the kind of sexual pleasure he had with her, says Schaller.
Both her work as a psychologist and the research for her thesis have convinced her that it is never too late to have a good and varied sex life.
Sex - much more than intercourse
As a researcher, Schaller was surprised by how narrowly many of the participants - and outsiders such as healthcare workers - defined sexuality.
- Many felt that what they were doing could not be called sex if it did not end in intercourse. But sexuality is intimacy and closeness, fantasies and memories, touch, cuddling, mutual satisfaction and also self-satisfaction through masturbation. Sex is diverse and far more than penetration, stresses Schaller.
Her study shows examples of how the broader a sexual repertoire people had developed earlier in life, the more satisfied they were with their sexuality in older age.
- Some of the men developed erection problems as they aged, but several of those who did not let this stop them, reported pleasure and great enjoyment in their sex life despite the lack of erection, in addition to the joy of intimacy with a partner, she says.
She notes that potency drugs, sex toys and other aids were also used by some with good experiences, but that others did not find such things necessary in order to have a good sex life in old age.
A bit cautious about telling others they are having sex
Several of Schaller's participants said that they kept quiet, both towards friends and their own families, about the fact that they were still sexually active. Some feared reactions - such as jealousy from peers or disapproval from adult children and other younger relatives.
This was especially true among the oldest women in the study.
- Some of the women grew up at a time when one did not talk about sexuality - certainly not women. Even as older women, being interested in sex and sexually available was not something you were supposed to display, says Schaller.
However, there was a clear divide between those participants who were young before the women's movement and those who were young after. Those who grew up during the sexual revolution came across as more open, although they too could be annoyed by society's negative attitudes to older people's sexuality.
You might imagine that ageing, getting wrinkles and having a body that is no longer firm would undermine older people's self-confidence - not least in a culture that worships youth and the perfect appearance. But this was largely not the case among the older adults Schaller spoke to.
- Most of them, both men and women, were primarily concerned with functioning physically as well as possible in general - being able to move and get out and about - even though, for many, being able to function sexually was still important. The most crucial thing, however, seemed to be the experience of being wanted and loved by their partner, regardless of sexual performance.
Must not become a source of pressure
Sidsel Louise Schaller stresses that her findings do not in any way mean that all older people should aim to have an active sex life.
- Some, for various reasons, choose to withdraw from sexual activity. Perhaps they live in a relationship where the partner has sexual difficulties or a chronic illness, and they have accepted that it cannot be resolved. Or they live alone and want neither solo sex nor new partners whom they would then have to commit to, says Schaller.
- Some may also not have found their earlier sexual experiences particularly satisfying - or even found them unpleasant - and are finally glad to be free of it. It is of course crucial that older people should not feel under pressure to be sexually active in order to be seen as successful.
As a psychologist and researcher, Schaller's concern is that, as a society, we recognize that many older people do have sex and that sexual health is an important part of life at all ages. And even if someone is not sexually active in the usual sense, they still have a sexuality that lives within them.
- This is especially important when dealing with healthcare staff, or when one in other ways becomes dependent on help. It is up to health professionals to bring the topic into the conversation. In my work as both therapist and researcher, I have found that older people are very pleased to be asked about, and allowed to talk about, the importance of sexuality.
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