Talking helps if you've been through a difficult experience. But for children who have been victims of or witnesses to domestic violence, this isn't always the case. They don't always perceive traditional support figures such as parents and friends as safe or helpful, researchers write in a study published this week in the Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma.
For the study, the researchers mapped the social networks of ten children (aged 8 to 12) who had experienced trauma within their families. The children were asked who they considered part of their network, how they assessed their relationships, and with whom they talked about their experiences. The research shows that within that network, they feel there is little space to talk about their trauma.
No support from parents
'These children describe around 40 per cent of their relationships as negative or, at best, ambivalent,' says Mèlanie Sloover, a developmental psychologist at Radboud University and lead author of the study. 'It starts with a complex parent-child relationship: half of the children indicated that they still see their father as part of their network, even if he was the perpetrator – although they do describe it as a negative relationship.'
They describe their relationship with their mother as positive, but when they discuss trauma with her, it is often difficult. When the subject does come up, for example because the mother brings it up, children often do not find the conversation supportive. 'That may be linked to the fact that mothers themselves are also traumatised by the same situation,' says Sloover. 'It is then difficult to respond sensitively and openly to your child's story.'
The importance of peers
Friendship is also complicated for these children. Sloover: 'When asked what friendship means, they mention things like being kind, helping each other and trust. But when they describe their own friendships, a different picture often emerges. Some children aren't quite sure why someone is their friend, whilst others experience bullying or a lack of safety. They hardly ever talk about traumatic experiences with their friends.'
However, they do find the friendships they build in peer support groups to be supportive. 'Contact with peers who have been through the same thing appears to feel safe and has a helpful effect. Recognition is very important: children don't have to explain as much and feel understood more quickly.'
According to the researchers, the results emphasise the importance of a systemic approach in trauma care. Not only the child, but also the relationships surrounding the child deserve attention. This applies in particular to parents who may themselves have PTSD symptoms. Schoover: 'If a child avoids talking about the trauma, that can be a symptom of PTSD. But it may also mean that previous attempts did not feel safe or supportive. By strengthening and supporting safe relationships, you make an important contribution to a child's recovery.'
